Love Or Follicles
by halcyonn
Summary: Ignitionshipping! Volkner lays down an ultimatum: either the fro goes, or I go.


_So, this story is like a lot of firsts for me. First Ignitionshipping fic, first published Pokemon fic, first fic on period!! I normally post stories and stuff on LJ but there's just no comm for these guys on there. Anyway, I didn't really notice this pairing when I played through Diamond but it struck me as so so cute when I played Platinum. The double battle totally sold me. So uh..I hope you like it, though it's kinda lame. Also I don't know whether or not to capitalize Pokemon names, AND, the nicknames I give are..stupid (:_

"But why! Why can't we be together? Tell me straight so I can understand."

"I..I already told you."

"And that's the part I don't understand! You don't want to be with me..because of my hair??"

Volkner shifted uncomfortably and looked at the floor. His arms were folded tightly across his chest and he looked almost sheepish, an emotion he rarely displayed. In normal circumstances Flint would have taken the time to revel in this, but at the moment he was too preoccupied trying not to grip his head with both hands and run around screaming.

"Uhm, basically, well. Yeah."

Flint's right eye twitched. What should he do? He could give into his roaring frustration and thrash the Sunyshore gym. But that probably wouldn't help his chances much. Plus, Volkner would kick his ass so hard he'd end up in the middle of next week. Heaving a big sigh, he raised his hands in a placating gesture and let the ohm of Zen flood through his body. It was something he had learnt through all the meditation books his mom forced him to read.

"Volkner. Let me get this straight. You know I've been in love with you, since like.. forever, right?"

The blond man nodded slowly.

"And you feel the same."

"Yes."

"BUT THE ONLY THING STOPPING US FROM SEALING THE DEAL IS MY FUCKING HAIR?!?!"

The gym leader heaved a sigh of his own and turned away from the fuming Elite Four.

"How many times do I have to repeat this? Yes!"

"You said you liked my hair."

"Many people like your hair, why not?"

"You said it was great to use as a pillow."

"It should be used in first-class hotel beds worldwide."

"You said it made me unique!!"

"You are indeed a special little snowflake."

"Then, WHY, goddamit!!!"

"Do you really want to know?"

Volkner had been pacing back and forth but now he stopped abruptly. The two of them were in the back room of the Sunyshore gym, a room with no windows. When Volkner turned his head to look at Flint, his face was cast in shadows. The embarrassed demeanor from before had gone away, suddenly replaced by a dark aura crackling with electricity. The man with the afro felt a chill go up his spine. Before he could say anything, the object of his affections had marched right up to him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. Their faces were now mere inches away from each other. _Oh, Volkner. You have such smooth, kissable lips-_

"Every time," a scarily low voice jerked him out of his time-inappropriate reverie. "Every time I look at you, all I feel like doing is stuffing my damn mouth with French fries."

"Hu-hu-huh??!?!"

"French fries! Those terrible, oily and greasy things. Seeing you somehow triggers this urge to eat them."

Flint took a few moments to process this information before letting out a big hearty laugh.

"Geez, Volk! Everyone feels like eating those once in a while. I doubt it has anything to do with me. How bad can it be anyway?"

"Haha. How bad can it be. Let me show you."

The electric pokémon trainer stalked over to an industrial size trashcan Flint had noticed before in the very corner of the room. It had seemed very jarring to him to have something so large and..totally unhygienic right in the place where Volkner spent the most time but he had declined to comment. Now, Volkner went up to it and pulled it open with a dramatic flourish. Flint gasped.

Inside the trashcan was a huge mound of empty cartons. There must have been at least a hundred, or close to it. They were all red, grease-stained, and emblazoned with very familiar-looking golden arches.

"Oh my god…No!!"

"I go through a few in one go," Volkner explained flatly.

"No, no! That's not it! That brand, it doesn't exist in our world!"

"Fuck! You're right!"

The both of them stared at the mound of cartons in silence for a few seconds.

"Whatever. Ok so anyway, what do you want me to do about it??"

"Cut it off."

"How about…fuck no."

"Either the fro goes, or I go."

He wasn't serious?!?! Flint looked into his eyes and gulped. He was serious. Volkner had -_amazing, amazing!_- eyes which changed colour depending on his mood. And right now, they were as cold and grey as the surface of a frozen lake. If Flint chose to defy him he was gonna be sitting on the next express train straight to Painsville.

"I've put on so much weight since I met you, it's ridiculous!" Volkner began to rant. "Any more of this and people will lob Pokéballs at me, mistaking me for a Snorlax! The gym platform won't be able to hold me anymore!"

Honestly, the fire pokémon trainer thought that Volkner had the best body ever, but he wisely chose to keep his thoughts to himself.

"Uh, okay," he slowly started to back out of the room, sensing that bad things would happen if he stayed. "Gotta go now see ya bye!!!"

He practically hurtled out of the gym.

-

Soon, Flint was out of the immediate danger of Volkner's wrath and back in the warm sunshine of Sunyshore City. Fluffy white clouds drifted lazily across the sky. Some looked like Flint's head. Flint crossed his arms behind his head and gazed upwards as he walked along. He was full of conflicting emotions and it was making his head pound. On one hand, he really, really wanted Volkner. On the other hand, he really, really liked his hair. Man, people on the street whipped their heads around to stare at that shit! Okay, so they usually did double takes. And sometimes their mouths would hang open. A little. But that was jealousy man, jealousy! This hair isn't just like, _grown. _It's _cultivated._

"WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!!!!!!!"

-

The rest of the Elite Four got a shock when Flint entered the main room by kicking the door open.

"Didn't yer mother teach you any manners, yer young whippersnapper?" Bertha barked, waving her walking stick in his direction.

Haha, just joking.

"Looks like lover boy crashed and burned," Cynthia remarked with amusement, and the rest of them nodded. They all knew of what was going on between the two best friends. In fact, it had become painfully apparent to nearly all the Sinnoh gym leaders and Elite Four members after the two had drunkenly groped each other on the dance floor at Gardenia's last Christmas party. Lucian had pictures. Sometimes he would take them out of his desk drawer in the wee hours of the night and just look at them. He was a rather odd man.

"He doesn't want to get into a serious relationship," Flint had flopped onto the couch next to Aaron and was attempting to smother himself with a pillow.

"So he wants to like, swing?" Aaron asked innocently.

Flint removed the pillow from his face and gaped at him.

"Dude!!! It's not like that! And anyway, where did you learn that word?"

Aaron slid his glance towards Lucian. Lucian sipped his tea.

"What's the reason then, Flint? Maybe I can give some advice," Cynthia proffered. Cynthia considered herself to be a minor guru when it came to such things. After all, she was the only female aroun…oh wait, Bertha. After all, she was the only young and good-looking female around.

"It's my hair."

"Your..hair?"

"He hates my hair. It makes him fat."

Silence for a while.

"You mean he eats it?"

Aaron had a look on his face like 'Lucian-never-taught-me-about-THIS-kink!'

"He does NOT eat it! Apparently just looking at it is enough."

"Well," Cynthia nodded her head in a wise and all-knowing way which made Flint even more pissed off for some reason, "you have to make a choice then. It's love or follicles, which will it be? Personally I vote for love. Besides, you need a haircut. That hair style is doing _nothing _for your-"

Before she could complete her sentence, Flint had stormed off to his room. The rest of those left behind could practically see a trail of smoke dissipating in his wake.

"Didn't yer mother teach you any manners, yer young whippersnapper?" Bertha barked, waving her walking stick in his direction.

For real this time.

-

The next week passed by as it normally would. Flint trained with his pokémon, watched his shows on TV, and hung out with the rest of the Elite Four. There was just one difference, and that was that he had not seen or spoken to Volkner the entire time. They had just not made the effort to contact each other, and Flint wasn't sure if they were in the middle of a fight or not. He always thought that fights between the two of them would include actual physical violence. Either way, the separation anxiety was killing him!! He wanted to see Volkner so badly but he knew he would be murdered if he returned with his hair intact.

Oh, what the hell. He would just do it. He had made his choice.

"Smokey!" he declared, pointing a finger at the flareon who was lazing around on his bed. Smokey opened one eye and yawned at him. She was pretty much used to her trainer's random outbursts.

"I'm gonna do it Smokey! I'm gonna do it for love! This is intense, man!"

And with that, he left for Sunyshore city.

-

Soon he found himself in front of a hair salon which Cynthia had recommended to him. It was apparently owned by a pair of sisters who called themselves the Scizor Sisters and it had just opened a few months back. The shiny chrome doors beckoned to Flint. He saw his own unsure expression reflected back in them and he had to take another moment to feel the Zen before pushing open the doors.

"Weeee-yell-comeeee!"

A buxom old lady wearing a tight purple dress came bustling straight towards him. A pair of purple rhinestone studded glasses was perched on her nose and she wielded a pair of scissors fearsomely in her right hand.

"Have you come for a haircut, son?"

"Yes! Yes I have!"

"Well take a seat honey, I'll be there in a moment!"

Flint eased himself into one of the many chairs available. The lady threw a cloth around his neck and tied a knot behind.

"I'll be with you soon~!"

She sang out and bustled off further into the salon.

The Elite Four member took the opportunity to examine his surroundings. "Jigglin' Pokémon Wub" was blasting over the in-store speaker system and magazines full of the latest hairstyle trends were scattered on tables all over the place. There was a mini TV mounted on the ceiling in the corner of the room diagonally to his right. Right now it was playing some lame drama that Flint hated and never watched. Volkner loved it. Thinking about Volkner made Flint even more determined to go through with his. It was just a haircut! Hair grows back!

"I'm back~!!" A voice boomed from behind him as the lady reappeared. "Now let's get rid of all this hair!"

Flint squeezed his eyes shut tight and prepared to have his follicles slashed mercilessly. _Hair grows back! Hair grows back! hairgrowsbackhairgrowsbackohmygodbutwhatifitdoesn't?!?!_

He sensed the scissors getting closer and closer to his hair. He began shaking slightly in his chair. The metal glinted in the light dangerously as the scissors moved nearer, and nearer…

"ATTENTION!!! WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO PRESENT AN IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN!"

The scissors stopped moving. Flint breathed a sigh of relief, until he took a look at the television screen.

The Sunyshore city gym was being displayed. It looked normal enough, but there was a crowd forming outside it. Flint recognized some of the junior trainers who hung around and challenged people who wanted to fight Volkner.

"The Sunyshore city gym is currently off-limits to all challengers! According to those at the scene, a fuse blew and set off a chain reaction, leading many of the motorized pathways to go haywire. This is the third such malfunction the gym has seen this month, with the primary cause thought to be the gym leader's incessant renovation of the gym."

While he was gawping at the screen, Flint's mobile rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Volkner?? I just saw on TV what happened, is everything okay?"

"I don't know, it's pretty bad..can you come over here now?"

Flint hesitated. "You uh, want to see me?"

"I.. need to see you," this statement was accompanied by a sexy exhalation of breath.

Flint burst out of the doors of the hair salon, the cloth still tied around his neck.

-

When he got to the gym, he had to push through the crowd milling around outside. Officer Jenny was standing in front of the doors, preventing people from entering. "Hey you, stop right there! It may not be safe to enter the gym right now."

"VOLKNER NEEDS ME."

Officer Jenny took in his crazed appearance and decided she didn't get paid enough for this shit.

Once he was let inside the gym, Flint saw what they were talking about on TV. The first few walkways were spinning around wildly and sparks were flying from them. The bridges were going up and down at a frenetic pace. He needed to get across the room but at this rate it was impossible. He considered the gap between the two ends of the room. It wasn't that wide.

"Go, Rocket!" he called out his rapidash. He climbed onto it.

"Rocket, jump over this gap!"

Rocket whinnied and backed up a few steps. It carefully gauged the distance and then took a running leap, clearing it with ease.

"Good job boy!" Flint patted its nuzzle and it closed its eyes happily. Flint then went through the door which led to the second room. To his surprise, he found Volkner sitting in the corner directly next to him. His jolteon, Jet, was lying on the floor next to him and they both looked very despondent.

"Volkner! How'd you get here? Aren't the walkways going crazy?"

The blond man looked up at him tiredly.

"It wasn't that bad just now. I had to make sure everyone got out of the gym so I kinda got stuck here when everything really started to go insane."

"Oh..I see.."

There was a mildly uncomfortable silence during which the only noises made was the whirring of machinery.

"So you uh, *cough* said you needed me. To see me. Needed to see me."

"I kinda have a confession to make to you," Volkner said with a wry smile. He got up so that he was eye-to-eye with Flint, who suddenly felt short of breath.

"_You're_ the reason why this happened. I got so scared that I had ruined things between us that I threw myself into renovating the gym in that short period of time. I guess I..pushed the workers a bit too hard, and this happened. I was just trying not to think about you. And me. But I _did, _and I realized how stupid I was that day. I don't care what hair you have, as long as you're you. That's all I need."

Flint looked deep into his eyes. The frosty grey from before was gone, replaced by deep blue cerulean pools that he could drown in forever.

"I don't need to cut my hair?"

"You stupid ass. I said I loved it, didn't I?"

Flint felt a stupid smile spreading across his face as he looped his arms around Volkner. Volkner smiled back at him and he felt a million volts of electricity immediately shoot through his heart.

They both tilted their heads forward at around the same time and ended up bumping noses. Flint chuckled softly and adjusted the angle so that their lips connected perfectly. It was the first actual kiss he shared with the other man and it was better than any dream he had ever had, wet or not. Volkner tasted good, and he could do some _amazing_ things with his tongue. When they finally broke apart, Flint felt his whole body burning up. He leant forward and rested their foreheads together for a while, both of them panting lightly.

"I've waited forever for that. That. was. intense!!" Flint laughed breathlessly.

Volkner was about to say something in reply when suddenly, a red and white ball rolled between the two of them.

"Huh? What's this?" Volkner unhooked his arms from around Flint and bent down to take a closer look.

"Who cares! Let's kiss again!"

Volkner now had the red and white ball in his hands and Flint saw that it had a face.

"It's a voltorb! One of the trainers must have left it behind. How careless," Volkner turned away from Flint and raised it up in his hands. "Don't worry, we'll find your trainer!"

"Voltorb. Voltorb."

And then, it exploded in Volkner's face.

Flint watched as his boyfriend's head was completely shrouded in a cloud of black smoke.

"Gah!!"

The smoke cleared away with a few fans of his hand to reveal a very unhappy looking Volkner. His face and clothes had gotten dirty and his hair..his hair..

"Hahaha!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Flint burst out laughing. It was so bad that he fell to the floor and started rolling around, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "Vol..volk..your hair, dude!!"

Volkner scowled at him and patted his hair. His hand froze. His hair felt big and puffy, just like Flint's. In other words, he had an afro.

The screaming could be heard all the way from outside the gym.


End file.
